Blogging the past


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Late Night Ode to the Christmas Tr33 peace
i reread your letter bucket of glass Ode to Release
a whisper's miss tear Mid-Year: State of Affairs
A shot of trutH Infatuation distant
faIth punch drunk love Escaping the Shadows
Another Year

Late Night

I sit here and think about the things I want
The things we say we want
Rehearsing them in my mind
Verifying that everything still aligns

The 'what-ifs' come and go like the surging surf
It's amazing how quickly yesterday became so distant

I'm blown away by the recent month or so
It's nearly too much to digest
where I sat and moped just the other day
we hug and consider tomorrow, together

Of course when everything's going so well, someone underhands a stick into your spokes
And here I am in school
The nights draaaAAAAaaaag on
The days bring no relief, just adds to the pile
The weekend; a hope and a prayer for a few hours of rest

I find myself constantly staring into space
Looking for a respite, none in sight
my body is sore, tired, I ache; my mind is stretched, synapses flash slow
but my vision is clear and my foundation is pure

and my bed is near

Ode to the Christmas Tr33

oh christmas tree, oh christmas tree
how thy lights do shine and beautify the back of the couch
we love thee and with our super awesome christmas glasses you make everything trippy
We hope that thou wilt stay with us for generations to come
Thus showering others with thy glory

of course there's a lion on top!



As two become one
In love, hope, and need
This is where I find myself
And if I never make it off my knees again
These crystalline tears will have served their purpose
And where one stands many, I too will call for thy grace in my hour of need
12-5-07 6:45a

i reread your letter
electronic mail with all its weight
a sad song drew out the question
does it all still apply?
every line?
every stinging truth?

bucket of glass

You go 'head and take your time
tellin me I crossed the line
well i was doin great and i was doin fine
till i walked back thru the door
and i'm a mess, i'm a wreck, i'm a bucket of glass
i'm busted up, broken, and i'm here at last
and if you ain't gonna run
then your gonna get passed
cause it's rippin me in two
and i really won't take much more.

Ode to Release!

as the distance grows
in time and in my mind
i find the hope i had

the door's not closed
but i've withdrawn myself
no longer in its open frame
waiting for a sign
heck, waiting for a wave
and getting neither

just frustration and guilt
and oh how they linger
and oh how they penetrate the day
and suffocate the night

oh to feel release!
and i do!
and it lingers!
hallelujah and amen!
12-3-07 11:15p

a whisper's miss

sweet is your name
i keep it to myself, free to no one else
soft are your eyes, how they shine, oh how they
a touch of your voice, on your lips
how one could try, but not resist
a glimpse of you at night
shining eyes, which light my life
a kiss, just a kiss, oh how i long for only this
if you were anything but my dream
would reality ruin everything
just a kiss, a whisper's miss
take me somewhere lovers cant resist
a kiss, a whispered slip
take me to the plane my dreams dare to drift
this is just a dream
a dream, just a dream, just a whispered slip


paper cut on an artery
what's your love done to me
i bleed inside, warm and slow
cannot stop the pain
cannot clot the vein
burning, teary, bloodshot eyes
memories fade and heavn cries
summer '07

Mid-Year: State of Affairs

too much regret to shake a stick at
i wonder what you'll do when you know
too much stress and i'm bleeding it out
some from my ears, some from my nose
let me wander in silent grey hills
where your shadow is fog and we both disappear
let me lose myself and still have your love
so that I too, may love again
summer '07

A shot of trutH

Once there was peace
Once there was love all around
Once there was kneeling
Constant prayer in every sound
Once there was justice
A warmth that filled the air
Once there was future
A hope that came with care
Some say it returns
Another sees it lost forever
Forgotten in polluted skies
A shot of truth best chased with lies
summer '07


Can't get you out of my head
You're a memory of something yet to come
Something I touch, that never lets go

You're a hope
Like a memory stream of constant dreams
Your essence fills the hour

I sit in silent wonder
Wishing you will be there waiting
Knowing I have lost control again

Once again in trouble
Thoughts of you come with regret
If only I were who I need to be to have you

You have become my everything
Confusing my words, clouding my mind
Consuming my world, lengthening my stride

Thought I saw something in your eyes
Bags of sleepless thought
Such a likeness of my own
Winter '05


black as the night she went
i reach for love unsent
the former move
the forgotten fear
time erases
and i embrace it
traveling aimlessly
i distance myself
grey and damp
a melody of doubt
plays slow and long
and i sing along


faith: what does it mean?
how do you define a term
you barely touch in a dream
a sacrifice, an alignment of thought
the space between
What we hope --- era ew ohW
the connection thereof
the silhouette it casts
where the answers appear
to questions we knew not to ask
a fine line
connecting us all
separating, recreating
penetrating each wall
Summer '07

normally I don't touch things like poetry(prose),wuteva, after the fact, b/c it's usually a piece of art, so obviously the viewer forms their own opinion/ideals about it. That little disclaimer being said, I'll now comment on a line from the Faith writ. The line "to questions we knew not to ask" does not need only imply that we knew we shouldn't ask 'it,' but it could very well mean that we didn't know what to ask. That is all.
comment: 12-1-07

punch drunk love

i wonder why you never call
i never get the 'hey wanna do something' even in txt form
then i remember what i've done
all the memories fill me with glue and tar
nauseously, violently i shake it off, choke it up and out
ENOUGH, we carry on, we must, i Will
remembering how stupid I Am
because i'm here and i'm waiting
trapped in the mind of fool
lovestruck, chrome domed; hard as glass: this head
and i'm waiting for you to tell me to leave
i feel like i've been through the worst, then another levy bursts, knocks me back to my knees
and still this reoccurring question, lingers
but i'm not leaving till you say go
and i'm not going back to where i've been
Ben's here and our tomorrow may find us distant,
but we both see the way and we both grasp the dream
so this i devote to thee: my stubbornness
with the hopes that it frustrates your plans of being rid of me ever more
either way i need to know
did i completely destroy the love that should've been?
is all forever lost?
is there a price, what's the cost?
sounds sappy doesn't it
sometimes the words need to flow their own way
and there's a light, just a crack
enough hope to leave me standing punch drunk
a fool in the rain and wanting nothing more
12-10-07 11:15p

Escaping the Shadows

she said, he said
i'll pass
it's tough being alone some nights
the feelings awaken
no one misses the one that wasn't there
yet here i am and something wants me back
too late to turn back now
too far to just give up on Sunday
we limit ourselves, distance ourselves from desire
we say we're being good, righteous even
help me from myself because sin knows i'm gone
sin, the mother-habit, is looking for her missing cub
'i just want to be a sheep' i'd bah if it mattered
but mother sin needs to nurse me back to death
her fangs seek the flesh of my captors
i hide in the mid-day sun, far from the shadows of yester-tear
i try to keep my mind there, even when the candle burns
this place is always, this place is ever, this place was never
my new friends feed themselves fully
i but only quench the thirst
still there is too much in me, that emptiness must be
even time speeds, not allowing me to forget
a curse i've lived, a curse i get
probably late 2005

the line too far to just give up on Sunday reminds me of a Pearl Jam lyric(certain people are going to be shocked by that one :P). Anywho, the lyric is

You're always saying you're too weak to be strong,...
You're harder on yourself than just about anyone,...
Why swim the channel just to get this far?
Your halfway there, why would you turn around?

the way it's sung is very powerful, BE AMAZED!!
comment: 12-1-07



Another Year

I have experienced a lot of changes.
I used to be addicted to video games.
I used to camp out in front of the tube, waste away the evening
I used to live very unhealthily. I had habits that I absolutely abhor now.
All these things, all these habits, have been replaced with my testimony that when when the scriptures say, Christ healed "them that were afflicted in any manner" 3N17:9, it was not only the physical afflictions that were healed.

My testimony is that Christ wants us to come unto him.
He offers us the salvation we need to return to our Heavenly Father and to live joyful lives all our days.
I have experienced more joy since understanding this, than any other time in my life

I can't wait to be married in the temple.
This is where my focus is fixed
I am so grateful to have the gospel in my life. To have a great friend, Ben, as a roommate and a new convert to the church has been amazing.
To be able to attend church with my parents is awesome. They are both incredible people and I love them dearly.

I feel so blessed, so thankful, grateful
If there is anything that I have done in the past to offend you, I am so sorry. I was such a fool. I truly lacked the understanding I now have.


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